its like stepping through the reflexology walking path. a good kind of pain that relieved both of us. a cure for a lifetime sickness.
~ Thursday, July 24 ~
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The good thing about living is,
There is always a chance for happiness,
A hope of seeing him again,
A hug filled,
A song sung,
A love momosh,

And a new discovery on how much we meant to each other.

Sometimes people grow bad, but it doesn’t erase the lovely past, vice versa.

What we have, is not what we want, it is fated.
Want alone won’t make us happen.

So i love you momosh.
Lillahi Taala.


~ Tuesday, February 18 ~
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the end.

this was my plan for what should have been my biggest effort for you.

do you know i have 50 000 pictures of us. yeah. 50 000.

i transferred it when i was planning for it.

what should have been my last effort.
for you.

i planned to book a hotel room.
no. not for sleeping.

i planned to buy a long white sheet. n ill dress it to look like a maze. you know the one that u usually see in a haunted house.

so the selected from 50,000 pic will be our story. starting with the first my space picture to the date.

you will walk along our memories.

it will be night. and there will be little lanterns lamps lighting the picture.

on the background will be my list of songs to play.

our introduction will be -
dishwalla - angels and devils

and that will last the whole maze.

i know you like the song you posted.
but my end song was gonna be by

kina grannis - say something.

i like the lighting in the video.
i wanted my last effort to look like that light on her background.

hers was plain sunlight tho.

at the end of the maze will be a box.

on top of it will be a note.

yes then i’ll be at the balcony.
no then there will be your things in the box.

along with what was supposed to be your engagement ring. u know i went to pavillion countless time to look for your ring. well. i failed. i seek high and low for the code ring. i failed. but i look for it anyway. that’s why there is still no last effort.

i couldn’t find a ring expensive enough n lovely enough for u.

because u like it. u wanted a ring.
u wanted one too right? for our should have been engagement.

that will be my parting gift to you.
throw it. or anything.

that was my last effort.

whether the effort is a success or not.
whether it is a yes or a no.

i will go to you.

during the kina grannis song.
n sing a long to it.

for you.

and i would be so beautiful.
as beautiful as the thin girl in your infiammo banner.

i will kiss you.
and when the song ends.

the decision will be in your hand.

because ive packed your things.
ive given you my last effort.

this is the end. and ill walk away.
or i will stay. its all u.

that was it.

my last for you.

never another effort as big.
never another love as deep.

the me that wanted to do that died.
because i wanted be the wife whom husband can trust to not sleep with another.

but u know how i believe what u say so much. i dissapointed u to that point.
i was too sad. too mad at myself.


~ Tuesday, February 4 ~
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~ Monday, February 3 ~
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This is the final entry. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a part of the journey. 
This blog will end in good faith and hopeful to a bright future. A story we can look back and smile at ourselves. A memory of a beautiful chapter in our life.
edited, i needed a few days to make peace with my conscience before finishing this part.
I’m sorry for my ignorance, i know how selfish I can be with my demands. Sorry if make you feel like I dont care about your feelings. Sorry if I dont show enough appreciation to your efforts. Sorry for the tears, for breaking your heart multiple times. Most of all. Sorry for always being temperamental, Too harsh with my words.
I forgive you for your past mistakes. For the recent mistakes, I forgive you for the pain you’ve given to my family. I forgive you for keep changing your mind on us, and the broken promise. I forgive you for using me all the while until you are ready to leave. I forgive you for the lies.
Take care of yourself, jgn muntah2. dont worry about your looks. You’re a beautiful woman, you dont need to destroy your body to be skinny, to become attactive. Even when you gained weight I would still get jealous and insecure. Because I know your beauty is not affected by it. The next man who loves you should be attracted to you and be able to see your beauty better than me. Take care when driving, dont expect others to brake for you. Like I always said everytime I walked out of your car, “drive elok2” that was my doa for you to get home safely. Take care of your life and work, be happy with what you do. And finally take care of your relationship with Allah. I know our path differs, but I believe our destination is the same. To reach Him.
Thank you for being the longest crush and my love interest. Thank you for all the sacrifice, for trying and enduring. Thank you for taking care of my pain when I’m not well. For sleeping beside me in the hospital. Thank you for cooking the best meal you could come up with, I love every one of them. I know you’ll be a wonderful cook to your family like your mother. Thank you for accompanying me, together discovering new places, to create memories of being first. The next time I visit those places I’m sure it will remind me of you. Thank you for being thoughtful of my needs. For the love and affection. thank you for showing your true nature, I’ve never been more honest and comfortable with anyone else. I’ve never laughed this much. Embarassing things that I would never show anyone else, I get excited showing it to you just for the laughs. Just to experience that rare chance of happiness that I might not have again with anyone else. To put it simply. Thank you for loving me genuinely..
I love you too
Alright thats all of it. Its a wrap : )

This is the final entry. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a part of the journey. 

This blog will end in good faith and hopeful to a bright future. A story we can look back and smile at ourselves. A memory of a beautiful chapter in our life.

edited, i needed a few days to make peace with my conscience before finishing this part.

I’m sorry for my ignorance, i know how selfish I can be with my demands. Sorry if make you feel like I dont care about your feelings. Sorry if I dont show enough appreciation to your efforts. Sorry for the tears, for breaking your heart multiple times. Most of all. Sorry for always being temperamental, Too harsh with my words.

I forgive you for your past mistakes. For the recent mistakes, I forgive you for the pain you’ve given to my family. I forgive you for keep changing your mind on us, and the broken promise. I forgive you for using me all the while until you are ready to leave. I forgive you for the lies.

Take care of yourself, jgn muntah2. dont worry about your looks. You’re a beautiful woman, you dont need to destroy your body to be skinny, to become attactive. Even when you gained weight I would still get jealous and insecure. Because I know your beauty is not affected by it. The next man who loves you should be attracted to you and be able to see your beauty better than me. Take care when driving, dont expect others to brake for you. Like I always said everytime I walked out of your car, “drive elok2” that was my doa for you to get home safely. Take care of your life and work, be happy with what you do. And finally take care of your relationship with Allah. I know our path differs, but I believe our destination is the same. To reach Him.

Thank you for being the longest crush and my love interest. Thank you for all the sacrifice, for trying and enduring. Thank you for taking care of my pain when I’m not well. For sleeping beside me in the hospital. Thank you for cooking the best meal you could come up with, I love every one of them. I know you’ll be a wonderful cook to your family like your mother. Thank you for accompanying me, together discovering new places, to create memories of being first. The next time I visit those places I’m sure it will remind me of you. Thank you for being thoughtful of my needs. For the love and affection. thank you for showing your true nature, I’ve never been more honest and comfortable with anyone else. I’ve never laughed this much. Embarassing things that I would never show anyone else, I get excited showing it to you just for the laughs. Just to experience that rare chance of happiness that I might not have again with anyone else. To put it simply. Thank you for loving me genuinely..

I love you too

Alright thats all of it. Its a wrap : )


~ Saturday, February 1 ~
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I have always loved you. Even when you cant love yourself.

Everytime you think you are not pretty enough. Everytime you are worried about your weight. or your face..None of it ever bothered me at all..I’ve always think you are beautiful. I never said otherwise..

But if that was a reason for you to endure. If you really meant what you wrote down there, then it is proof enough for me.

Yesterday, the day you have given up. The day that all your promises becomes nothing but one big lie..

so much for ‘ne me quitte pas’ eh?

But lets not dwell..let us both find someone we can truly love. Find someone whom you will have no limits, no end to what you would do just to show how much you love him. and I hope he’ll be what you have always wanted.


~ Monday, January 20 ~
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this said more than i can ever said to myself. 

this is the strongest reason. 

the one reason that i endure so much for so long. 

some people wont get this.
n i dont know if u even get this. 

to be able to love yourself. 
i think i lack that.

this said more than i can ever said to myself.

this is the strongest reason.

the one reason that i endure so much for so long.

some people wont get this.
n i dont know if u even get this.

to be able to love yourself.
i think i lack that.


~ Saturday, January 11 ~
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its good that we match.


~ Wednesday, January 8 ~
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i cried and i cried and i cried.

because i kept thinking what if you leaving is the end. you can say it is not.
but only Allah knows.
i didnt say its you.
or its me.

its the uncertainty of the future that scares me.

if it ends then. wouldnt you want to spend as much time as you want with me now?

because i do.
i wanted to believe in our future.
but just in case of uncertainty.
all i want now is spending more n more time with u.

hugging u.
being happy.

because not having you in the future scares me.

saying to leave is easy.
but doing it is hard.
yes i regret taking the rash decision that made u cry n your family mad.

and that is why im crying now.

because i was stupid and rash.

and i am but a fool.


but im am scared now.
and all i wanted is to hug u.
n cry.


~ Tuesday, January 7 ~
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its a song of a man.. begging his lover not to leave.

promising the impossible thing
for her not to leave..
promising the best he can give
even if he will die trying..

it’s a very emotional song.. 
but its a song that my heart love now
something a kin to how i feel now.

ne me quitte pas

its a song of a man.. begging his lover not to leave.

promising the impossible thing
for her not to leave..
promising the best he can give
even if he will die trying..

it’s a very emotional song..
but its a song that my heart love now
something a kin to how i feel now.

ne me quitte pas


~ Friday, December 27 ~
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(Source: kaneto)


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